bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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