Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
