Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
