turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
