its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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