The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
