i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
