and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
