My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
