um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
