??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want to make out with him forever
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
