she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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