This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
