I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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