I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
