Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
