We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize