No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
