I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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