you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize