Swine flu. Run for my life!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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