Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
