dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
