I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I could fuck to npr.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize