you lied. pity sex is amazing.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
