i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Girls should come with a carfax report
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
