I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
