so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
