sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize