my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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