i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
