So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
