Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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