ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
