'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
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