just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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