if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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