Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
