He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
