3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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