I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
