I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
