I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
