He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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