Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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