if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she smelled like a LAN party
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
