i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
