i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Success! We fucked roommates!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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