I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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