I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
