you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
