mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
