ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize