I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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