I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
