saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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