whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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