I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
