So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The air taste purple.
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