Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
