Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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