Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
